Thursday, July 30, 2009

Some wonderful pictures I'm ordering!

I just LOVE these BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Dead Soldiers Returning From Iraq

An image I'll never forget...the somber feeling of knowing each and every coffin -there lies a man or women who gave their LIFE so that I might live mine FREE!

My thoughts are we should see these images, WAR is scary, it is deadly and these brave men and women gave their lives so that we can be FREE! Freedom of speech, freedom of RELIGION, freedom to BE FREE! We should not cover it up or try to pretend it didn't happen. We proudly take pictures of those who return home safely, why would we not honor these Men and Women with the same dignity and respect? What are your thought? To read the article click on the title of this post.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Because Kid's Live Here!

He did get a bath and cloths today! You wouldn't be able to tell that tho by the pics below! ;~)

Waitin' for muffins for breakfast!

Hehehehehehe....what a cute lil' smile!

Take that "brotha!"

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Fields of Flowers

I want to talk about the past three years! I know, I know will she ever be out of the valley and in fields of flowers? I am, I'm surrounded by beauty and grace daily! I'm blessed beyond definition. I have a beautiful home filled with laughter and love!

Is it true I've spent nearly three years grieving the loss of my son? Yes! Do I regret being there in dark sadness? No! I have learned so much about myself, things I never would have learned had it not been for Ethan!

For years now I wondered what it was that I was to learn. Are we to suffer here on earth? Ok that's a no brainer I learned quickly we are. Actually I have suffered most of my life so why would God allow me more suffering and suffering that I thought was too much for me? I don't know that I have all those answers yet, the jury is still out on that!

I do know that I'm more beautiful today because of it and that is all that matters. I love deeper, I hope stronger and I believe fearlessly! Maybe the JURY is IN??? Maybe God longs for me like I long for Ethan??? Maybe that is what he wanted of me, to LONG for him with a quench that would not be quenched, that I could not have enough of his unending LOVE???

I feel like I need to thank you, thank you for walking in the valley of death with me. Thank you for loving me all the same - even when loving me was hard. Thank you for showing me grace when I had none!!!! Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to show my sinful nature and be ANGRY AND MAD AT GOD! I'm not proud of that! I am proud to announce I'm not in that VALLEY OF DEATH!!!! I think yesterday was it, I think I was so struckin' with grief yesterday because God was doing something inside of me that I wasn't sure I wanted him to do!

Truth be told I feel like if I stop grieving - I stop loving Ethan! That has to be Satan!!!

I have thought of how to say this and I think the best way for me to say this is...

...I want to stop grieving and I want to start living - I want to reach for the heavens and LIVE each day with the knowledge that I will LIVE FOREVER with my son someday and until that day I will LIVE FOR ETHAN!!!!!

So here's to you my son, the son that gave me LIFE, a life to LIVE FULL, TO LOVE LONG and TO LAUGH OFTEN!

I love you more than you know...or do you? You didn't want me to give a gift to someone else wanted to give me a gift. I took it baby! I took it today...I know I was late, I'm sorry for that but I know you and a heavenly host are singing and dancing right now!!!



Tuesday, June 23, 2009


What a beautiful day to remember the good times our children give us. It is so easy to fault them, yell at them, and tell them what not to do. Have you ever just stopped to PRAISE them, speak softly to them, and tell them what a wonderful job they are doing.

You see Ethan was only in my life while his small body fought so hard to grow strong and when his body couldn't do that he passed away. When I held his little lifeless body in my hands, I vowed to him to always be a better wife, mother and friend.

Today I will go to work and lift my head up for Ethan. Today I will wake my other two boys Elijah and Mason with sweet kisses and love and share with them the JOYS they bring to me. Today I will remember my sweet missing piece - MY HOPE for tomorrow and I will praise GOD in this storm.

To Elijah and Mason,

May I continue to hear the beautiful sounds only a child can make, may I continue to pray your forehead never meets the sliding glass door! :)

Love you both very, very much!




Monday, June 22, 2009

Happy Happy Birthday and miss do my friends!


You have been in my thoughts lately as you experience another year without your little man. Ethan brought me a new friend . . . one I have never met face to face but feel like we connect heart to heart . . .
I have been in awe of your courage, not just with the loss of Ethan, but in your WHOLE day to day life. Thank you for inviting me into that life even for a moment!!!

Hugs to you and your family.


Hi Linda. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you today.


Dear Linda,
I hope that today was filled of some peace. I hope that you were able to remember Ethan with some smiles in the tears.
I always light a candle for Brona when I am home and today I lit one for Ethan next to his. They both burn brightly as their memory does.
I am so sorry we have to miss our sons, but glad that we still get to love them...if from afar.

Hoping for you some ease with your family and that your husband is well being so far away.

much love

Brona's mom.

Happy Birthday, Big Boy! Guess what I did to help celebrate? I picked some flowers from Marah's garden (yellow yarrow, white speedwell, daylillies, lavendar, and pink cone flowers) and I went to the cemetary where Marah is buried. I found the baby closest to your birthday in The Garden of Angels and added the beautiful bouquet to her vase! Her name is Emerie Grace and her birthday is on June 25th. It was a random act of kindness that you inspired me to do! Funny thing is....I met with her mom and dad a couple years ago when I was doing volunteer work at St Ann's. I actually spoke with her dad for a long time while her mommy slept. Little do they know Marah is buried near her. SHe had NILMDTS pictures taken. Happy Birthday to Ethan. (I am sorry I didn't take a picture. I felt a little intrusive taking a picture of someone else's grave.) However, please know that the flowers are there in your memory! Thanks for helping create a secret surprise for Emerie's family who I am sure will visit soon.

Hey Lin Lin,

You're little Angel performed the dance of the butterfly for me on his birthday. I just finished mowing the lawn, and your sweet little guy came and danced for me while I was watching the sprinkler. What a special gift. Thank you for bringing him into our lives. You had asked that everyone do a little something special, so I shared Ethan's story with the VBS families that I had at my house, and they were all very excited to participate in sending birthday wishes to Ethan for his birthday. Here are the pictures. We love all of you. Give hugs to Elijah, Mason, and send Kirk hugs across the miles for us. He is in my prayers and you are too every night. I hope your day wasn't too rough. Love you.
Jen, Kirah, Lauren, and Rick sends love too.

Dear Ethan,

I was so excited when your Mom and Dad first told me about you. We went out to dinner to celebrate my birthday and your mom gave me a card. Inside the card had the usual birthday wishes, but this card was special because it was signed: Love Linda, Kirk, Elijah, and baby. I jumped up and gave your Mom a huge hug. You see your parents were truly blessed to be pregnant with you. They hoped and prayed and God blessed them with you.

Your Mom had many struggles the weeks she carried you with her. Through everything she loved you unconditionally. I wish you could have seen how beautiful she was during those weeks.

I was out of town on leave when you passed away. I still feel guilty about not being there for your Mom. I was at my parents house when your Mom called. Her voice sounded different on the phone, like when someone is nervous about giving a big speech. She asked if I was sitting down so I went outside and sat on the back steps. She took a deep breath and told me that you had passed away. I didn't expect it to hit me that hard. I started to cry and your Mom told me it was okay, even though I knew her heart was shattered. I learned something about myself that moment; that I could love someone I never met. I was so hurt by what happened to your Mom and Dad. I was angry that you were taken away from them. It was so unfair, your parents are so good. Why did this happen to them?

When I was pregnant with my son I was scared that I would lose him. I was afraid to love him, but from the moment I thought that maybe I might possibly be preggers, I couldn't help it. I loved the thought of him. When I called your Mom to tell her the news she was there to comfort me. She told me it was okay to love my baby.

From you I learned how delicate life really is. I'm thankful for every moment with my son. I'm thankful to you for reminding me how special love between a parent and child really is. I learned that no matter how much you prepare there are some things you just cannot control.

Happy Birthday Ethan

Love Always,


Dear Ethan,
The first time I saw you was in a picture on your mommy's desk. I looked at her area, at all of the pictures, Elijah had drawn several colorful pictures, and I saw your tiny was a happy environment. Your mommy is so proud of her boys!! I immediately took to and liked your mommy. The first time your mommy told me all about you, we were in the car. I have to tell you, you have a strong mommy. My heart broke for her...tears filled my eyes as she told me about losing you on earth and you going to heaven with Jesus. It's just that she misses you. However, your time with us has taught me to have hope and to rest in the Lord. Your parents and brothers miss you and love you, but mostly, I feel that they are honored to be your parents and brothers and they have the hope in Christ that they know they will hold you and be with you again. Until then, there is that peace, knowing they can rest in the Lord and every day does not have to be a nervous, uptight, day. I am a worrier, Ethan...I worry about things I can't control...I worry about children I don't even have yet. When I think of you, I know all things work for good for those who love God. You have brought strength out in so many...which I think is amazing that a tiny baby can bring out an adults strength...It's hard for me to let go, which is ridiculous because I don't have control to begin with. However, there is so much hope in the things we don't have control of...there is rest in the Lord. You actually remind me of a song my mom used to sing to is an old hymn and she would sing it to me when she would put me to bed at night, "There is hope in the Name of the Lord, there is power in the Name of the Lord, there is strength in the Name of the Lord. Blessed is he who comes, in the Name of the Lord." You are forever a blessing, ETHAN!!

Cheryl, may you always know how truly blessed my world is because of the friendship you bestowed on me. You pulled me out of the dark, deep hole when no one else could! Blessings my friend!